Chapter 14: Donation Angel (1)
Translator: Pai_
The Obsidian Baron had lived a long life. And as a noble of the Royal Capital, no less.
He had lived diligently enough to trust his own eyes, yet was never so arrogant as to blindly place faith in his gut instincts. Such was the conduct of an old man who had not squandered a single day on the road to his twilight years.
Accordingly, he revealed his curiosity and fondness for Mun Su-ho to no one beyond his closest aides. Even when the rain stopped and it came time to leave, he simply offered equal encouragement to all the gatekeepers.
If anything, he had dug pitfalls into his words so that his favor could just as easily be read as displeasure.
"The sudden rain gave everyone a hard time. Ha ha. This old body got to rest comfortably, at least, thanks to the sturdy barracks. But, well. The smell was certainly something. Do dust the place off once in a while."
"Y-yes, yes sir. My deepest apologies, Your Excellency."
Mun Geum bowed his head over and over again.
A suitable compliment paired with a suitable jab. It was a remark meant for those nearby to hear. All to ensure that the still-young Mun Su-ho would not be left room for a misunderstanding along the lines of, 'My liege lord noticed me! I really am different from the rest!'
As for what Su-ho himself was thinking at that moment, well.
'The rain's stopped, so why is our liege lord dawdling like this?'
'There are way too many eyes around, and I can't even look at the Prophecy Newspaper!'
The newspaper was tucked inside his shirt. The Prophecy Newspaper, which had just today evolved from a Family Newsletter to a Clan Newsletter, was driving him absolutely insane with anticipation.
'Our liege lord is already getting on in years, and he's not a Celestial Warrior, so it's not like he has all that many days left ahead of him.'
'Hurrying back to his estate to enjoy his leisurely pastimes would be good for our liege lord and good for me, yet is there truly not a single loyal retainer to offer this simple piece of counsel?'
'There really is no talent by the Baron's side. None at all.'
Su-ho let out a deep, heartfelt sigh. At this rate, it was no wonder the kingdom was heading for ruin.
"Your Excellency. There are journalists gathered at the gate."
"Hm?"
An aide informed the old noble just as he was about to mount his warhorse. The Baron turned his head, and sure enough, the moment the rain had stopped, reporters from every newspaper under the sun had come swarming in.
"What would you like to do, my lord? Shall I send them away?"
They had obviously come to cover the explosion at the Royal Capital's South Gate. The aide found it distasteful that a gaggle of nobodies, mere Freemen at that, had the nerve to come prying into a noble's affairs.
The corner of the Baron's mouth curled upward.
"No. This is an opportunity to test something."
"Pardon? What do you mean by..."
"Mun Geum! The gatekeepers have achieved something great for the first time in a while. Now's the time to show it off, wouldn't you say? I'll leave those journalists to you."
Mun Geum, who had been quietly blending into the background as he saw the Baron off, nearly jumped out of his skin.
"Y-yes, sir?"
"If you'd rather not, you can have your children handle it. I hear young people these days just love making a name for themselves? Ha ha. Times really have changed. Well then, let's be off!"
And with a hearty giddyap! the Baron galloped away, displaying horsemanship that utterly belied his years. His retinue of cavalry vanished down the rain-soaked road behind him.
Not a single journalist was bold enough to invoke freedom of the press and block the path of a nobleman's procession.
But the journalists were seasoned subjects of the kingdom as well. They hadn't expected anything to begin with. After graciously letting the big fish, the Obsidian Baron, swim away, their heads whipped around in unison to lock onto their next prey.
"W-wait, uh... Huh!"
The head of the gatekeeper clan. Mun Geum was thrown into a panic.
'I, I hate journalists!'
The truth was, he had a media-related trauma. And it was all because of Mun Su-ho.
About twenty years ago. When word got out that he had fathered a child outside his marriage and his lawful wife had collapsed from the sheer outrage, journalists had caught the scent and descended upon Mun Geum, tearing him apart from every angle. [Moral Depravity at the South Gate] [Is This the Kind of Ethics We Can Expect from a Gatekeeper of such a important clan?]...
Mun Geum hadn't ended up on the timid middle-aged man skill tree for no reason. It was all his own karma, of course, but then again, few people in this world were capable of bearing the weight of their own sins.
After trembling and quaking for a moment, Mun Geum happened to glance to the side, and, ah. Come to think of it, he did have two children whose nerves of steel seemed almost impossible to attribute to his bloodline!
"S-Su-ho. Si-ah. You two handle the journalists."
"Huh?"
"This is all experience that will serve you well in the future. Yes, indeed it will. Your father will be over there, clearing away the debris from the burned palisades!"
And with that, Mun Geum made his hasty escape.
Witnessing her father's lightning-fast footwork, Si-ah felt her sanity packing its bags. What kind of subcontract-of-a-subcontract arrangement was this supposed to be?
"What... I'm only a Mid-class Gatekeeper, and orabeoni is just a Lower-class Gatekeeper. No matter that we were the ones involved, how are we supposed to face the press on behalf of the entire clan?"
"Mm."
"And what if those people decide to slander us however they please in their papers? Honestly, Father never thinks things through."
But she had more sanity left to lose.
"My dear little sister."
Thud.
Mun Su-ho placed his hands on Si-ah's shoulders with a solemn expression.
"You have a good memory, right? You take after me, so it's got to be good. Now, memorize the strategy this orabi is about to lay out. Every word." (TL: Orabi = Older brother)
"...Orabeoni?"
"Starting from the left. That person with black hair is So Sa-myeong, a reporter from Phantom News Daily. Next, the one with gray hair? That's Bi Wol-cheok from Bedrock Newspaper you like. Next..."
Si-ah blinked rapidly.
"What?"
"So Sa-myeong from Phantom News Daily is notorious for spinning every article toward controversy. He wrings narratives out of pure coincidences. A true master of the press. That guy could squeeze juice from a stone."
Regardless of his sister's bewilderment, Mun Su-ho rattled on at machine-gun speed.
'I can't take this any longer!'
Under normal circumstances, he would have happily received the journalists himself, as any proper Newspaper Otaku would. But right now, the Prophecy Newspaper, the world's one and only bastion of righteous, unbiased journalism, was waiting for him with desperate longing.
He wanted to get back to his guardhouse as fast as humanly possible and savor, at leisure, the refined splendor of the Prophecy Newspaper in its newly upgraded Clan Newsletter form!
"For the Phantom News Daily reporter, just feed him a story. A story. Something like, the clan's Illegitimate Child sniffed out the incident first, and then the legitimate heir, you, got competitive and took down the culprit with a single arrow. Got it?"
"Oh..."
"Bedrock Newspaper is the exact opposite. They consider it beneath their dignity to write about illegitimate children. So tell them how magnificently the clan's heir, you fired your arrow, and, how father painstakingly taught you archery from a young age. Just spin a heartwarming tale."
"W-wait a moment!"
Si-ah was overwhelmed. Even amid the chaos, she did not forget her duty as a rental one-day little sister to use formal speech, making her a paragon of virtue for all to admire.
"Orabeoni, how on earth do you know every journalist by face? And how did you even figure out each reporter's individual tendencies?"
"Love, Si-ah."
"What?"
"Love, affection, devotion. If you, like me, woke up every day and savored the scent of newsprint while appreciating each article line by line, you too would naturally develop this kind of discerning eye. Without love, you cannot see. This is the truth of the world."
For the record, if one subscribed to the quarterly magazines published by each newspaper, the journalists' names and portraits were printed right there, making them perfectly easy to identify.
But Mun Su-ho felt that such a mundane explanation wasn't sexy. Above all, maintaining a degree of mystique was essential to preserving his dignity as an orabi.
"If you feed each journalist bait tailored to their tendencies, you can steer the tone of tomorrow's articles. If they ask why Father isn't here, tell them he can't abandon the capital's defenses for even an hour and is repairing the palisades as we speak. Well then, I'm off! Got work to do!"
"Orabeoni? Orabeoni. Orabeoni!"
And thus, Mun Su-ho also made a spirited escape with divinely inspired footwork.
Sure enough, having taken the Potion of Loyalty, his body felt light, impossibly light. Mun Su-ho slipped right into his guardhouse without so much as a splash of mud.
"..."
Mun Si-ah, winner of the subcontract-of-a-subcontract-of-a-subcontract lottery, trudged alone toward the gate.
The journalists descended like a pack of wolves.
"Gatekeeper! Gatekeeper!"
"So Sa-myeong from Phantom News Daily!"
"Is it true that a traitor just set off an explosion?!"
"The kingdom's got no shortage of rebel factions these days! Which group was it?!"
"Gatekeeper!"
This alone was enough of an ordeal to drive anyone out of their mind, but what was even more absurd was... the strategy the Illegitimate Child had laid out turned out to be a flawless, perfect answer sheet!
'Why, why is this actually working?'
The words flowed from Si-ah's lips with effortless ease.
In truth, she was a model student in many respects, and once given a clearly defined role, she could execute it to perfection. Since the Mun Su-ho brand playbook she had been preloaded with was flawless, her performance was equally impeccable.
'There's no way dealing with the press is supposed to be this easy and comfortable... right?!'
A flicker of surprise appeared in the journalists' eyes as they watched Si-ah. They had never expected a gatekeeper this young to serve up such neatly prepared story material on a silver platter.
But the most astonished person was, of course, Si-ah herself.
'No way!'
'Then does that mean... that lunatic blowing most of his salary on newspapers every single day actually had a point to it?'
'It can't be...!!'
* * *
Meanwhile.
Mun Su-ho, having barricaded himself in his guardhouse and bolted the door shut, had at last completed his preparations to savor, line by line, every article in the Clan Newsletter.
"Now then, shall we start with the Advertisement Section?"
He spread open the newspaper. Unlike earlier, when he had only managed a hurried glance at the front page, he now rubbed the paper between his index and middle fingers, luxuriating in its texture.
'It's different! The paper quality has improved!'
He even gave it a sniff. His eyes flew wide open.
"Even the grade of ink used for printing has gone up a notch!"
Moved. Then marveling again.
In truth, unless one was on Mun Su-ho's level, these changes were not remotely impressive. Only after a prolonged love affair with the newspaper did his proper exploration of the Advertisement Section finally begin.
And the first thing that caught Su-ho's eye was:
[Upgrade] Clan Newsletter → Royal Capital Newsletter
(3,000 Points) (Always Available) (Non-Refundable)
* Want to receive news about not just one noble house, but the entire Royal Capital? Don't hesitate, subscribe now. This is the tier where true journalism begins!
* Receive newspapers covering your family, your liege lord's house, and furthermore, every noble and royal residing in the Royal Capital. Curious about the king's private life? Wondering what mood the dukes are in? Enjoy this privilege, offered exclusively by the Prophecy Newspaper!
"...!!"
Mun Su-ho's eyes had, at this point, reached the stage of performing expansion surgery upon themselves. (TL: Basically saying his eyes went wide in over the top way.)
'One more upgrade, and I'll know His Majesty's every move?!'
The words printed in the advertisement contained not the slightest exaggeration. If this was true, it was a truly staggering privilege!
For instance, if His Majesty the King were secretly suffering from hair loss, then a loyal subject such as himself would need to be the first to discover it, so as to ensure the matter was kept under strict confidentiality and never, ever leaked to the outside world.
Just imagining himself receiving the Royal Capital Newsletter was enough to set Su-ho's heart pounding and fill his mind and body with happiness.
Happy, yes. But even so.
"3,000 points...!"
The price. It was always the Prophecy Newspaper's capitalistic pricing policy that was the problem.
He had earned 300 points in a single day, true. But those points were the reward for averting a crisis that would have seen his entire family politically ruined.
It was hard to say when another incident of that magnitude would come around again.
On top of that, he had not forgotten the notice that the Prophecy Newspaper's upgrade to the Clan Newsletter had also changed the value of his points, or in other words, the notification that his Subscription Fee had increased.
So a sigh was inevitable. Just how many times would he have to avert the Obsidian Baron's downfall to reach 3,000 points?
"It's a pipe dream. Even if our liege lord went bankrupt, he'd need to go bankrupt dozens of times over... Hm?"
As he sat there sighing, a flyer caught Su-ho's eye.
A garish mess of red and yellow. Tacky, sure, but with eye-catching visibility second to none, the flyer displayed the results Su-ho had achieved, as it always did.
【You have prevented the Clan Newsletter's primary subject, the Obsidian Baron, from contracting influenza: Subscription Points +10】
【Your blood relatives have overcome the crisis of being held accountable for their liege lord's illness: Subscription Points +10】
【Current Subscription Points: 20】
This much he had already expected.
Thanks to his choice of a sturdy tent, the future had changed and the false report had been corrected.
However, the part Su-ho had not anticipated was squirming along below the flyer.
【A donation to this newspaper has been detected.】
【Current total donations: 5 Points】
【Subscriber Donation Grade: Lv.1】
Huh. Su-ho tilted his head.
"Donation? From when I prevented Father's food poisoning?"
He had only spent those 5 points in a frantic rush to upgrade the Prophecy Newspaper, writing them off as a loss, because the once-in-a-lifetime moment of receiving his liege lord was fast approaching.
Could that accidental act of donation, which hadn't really been a donation at all, actually carry some other significance?
【We ask for your continued donations and support!】
【As donations accumulate, new types of Regular Columns offered by this newspaper will be unlocked one by one.】
"Columns? New Regular Columns will be unlocked?!"
Mun Su-ho was taken aback.
He hurriedly read through the events the flyer was churning out.
【Congratulations!】
【In honor of your very first donation!】
【As part of our campaign to encourage a culture of giving, this newspaper will unlock 1 Regular Column free of charge for first-time donors only!】
【Searching for Regular Columns...】
Free!
That single word alone was enough to warrant leaping for joy, but the flyer's text continued on.
【Search complete.】
【The types of Regular Columns currently available for subscribers to choose from are as follows.】
What followed next was a set of choices more than sufficient to make every hair on Su-ho's head stand bolt upright.
【Please select one to unlock.】
『Today's Fortune』
『Job Listings』
『Wellness Guide』